Happy New Year to everyone. Let this year be a transformative year of delight and discovery.
Thanks for visiting!
I started working a second part-time job at the local big box hardware store back in December. It took a minute for my body to get used to standing and walking for 4-5 hours at a time. But my body is finally used to it and no longer am I ready for bed when I come home.
My last post was back in November regarding the book that I am writing. I am still working on it and will be moving to the next stage (editor review) very soon.
As Always Thanks for visiting!
First I like to start by saying that I apologize for being so wordy.
While checking out my Facebook page this afternoon I kept seeing a bunch of RIP post about Stuart Scott passing today. I was not sure who he was till I saw a picture and a brief bio about him being a sportscaster for ESPN. He died as a result of complications from cancer today.
For those of you that have read my “about” page know that I am a breast cancer survivor going on twelve years. His story touched/hit me little different then it does most people. I am trying to process those feelings as I write this post.
There is a video clip that featured a speech that he did July 2014 at the ESPY Awards as he was the 2014 recipient of the Jimmy V (Valvano) Perseverance Award. I watched it. Why did I watch it?! I could have cried.
The things that he said made me further realize that I am not doing what I should be have been doing. One of his quotes was “You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and the manner in which you live. So live! Fight like hell!“. This hit me like a ton of bricks because I feel as though I have given in and let cancer win.
I allowed cancer to beat me…Cancer won!
I feel that I stopped living a long time ago. I have just been existing and existing is not living. I know all the positive things to do and say to others who I see in a similar situation but it is so much easier to have a “do as I say, not as I do” philosophy. I need to practice what I preach.
I need to live again. I need to find out who I am again. I need to do!
The title of this blog “Reflections for My Soul” is also the title to a book that I have been working on for a couple of years now. It is a brief autobiography on the mental stresses that I went thru (and still struggle with) while my body was being treated for breast cancer and what I did to relieve some of the stress and mental demons that I had (have).
This should have been completed a very long time ago. Excuses like the words aren’t right, the pictures could be better, no one will read it, no one will publish it, etc, etc, etc,… keep getting in my way preventing me from getting it done.
This is my number 1 goal for this year. Finish my book. Once it is finished I think I will be on my way to being OK again.
Thank you for letting me share my personal feelings and for the support that have received.
PS: The title is one of the things that Stuart Scott would say on his show.
You never know how close you are to your goals when you quit. Keep striving for the goal!
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he’d stuck it out.
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
Lately I have been reflecting on what I accomplished in the past year. In retrospect it feels like I have not moved an inch in either direction, no worse and no better. I took a look at the last post I made on 12/31/12 which was a DP Challenge on what we wanted to achieve in the coming year. This post is already an indication that I have slipped since nearly 12 months have past and I have not made a single blog.
Reading my last post made me realize that I have continued to repeat old habits. All of the goals that are posted, were very attainable. But again I became my worst enemy and did not follow thru.
“……The first change that I am making today is that I will not be my worst enemy any longer.
The second change that I will be making is to set real goals to become a professional landscape/nature photographer.
- I will begin by completing some classes that I previously started
- Contacting local photographers to see about apprenticeships they may offer
- Actively setting goals of taking pictures each and every weekend
- Sell some photos online
- Solicit critique on work so that I can truly improve and get one step closer to my goal
- Stop finding something negative in each picture
- Accept a compliment
The third change is to learn to forgive. I believe some of the fears that I have are because I am holding past issues. It is my belief that once I forgive those who I feel wronged me in some way, most of my self-doubt and inability to move forward in/with life will be gone. I have been stagnant for quite a few years it is well past the time for me to blossom again……..”
I will be 48 years old in 17 days and it is time to make life altering changes. I have begun to take charge of what I do. For the coming year I am not going to make any grand resolutions or list many things to change. My main goal and focus will be to move forward without becoming stagnant and comfortable where I am. Yes there is a final reward in mind and I will set mini goals or make a game plan to measure my growth and ultimately be where I want to be.