My Soul

5/1/11

A bit about me. I believe that at the tender age of 45 I am finally coming into who I was supposed to be. I do wish that I had discovered it about 20 years ago but as they say “Better late then never.”

I believe that I was meant to be a Nature photographer.  Nature, flowers in particular, brings so much peace to me.  I realized that I loved photography about 8 years ago when I brought my first digital camera.  I was always interested in photography but film was expense to buy & process especially when you are divorced young and have 3 children to raise on your own.

Being a Breast Cancer Survivor (2 x’s), I needed to find an outlet for all of the mental games that I was torturing myself with. Yes the doctors did a wonderful job at healing my body but my mind was a wreck.  Dealing with all the thoughts that go on in one’s mind you have to find a release or you feel like you are gonna explode.  So I treated myself to my first digital camera a Canon PowerShot A510.  I found my sanity again.

I began to photo everything and everyone, it felt great to take the photo, upload, edit and then print them all in about 10 minutes or so.  I slowly began to specialize in taking nature shots concentrating on flowers.  I view flowers as “Reflection for my Soul”. I feel truly at ease when it comes to flowers. I have no clue why but they make me feel relaxed and at peace with myself.

I hope that you like the photos that I have taken and will offer your critique of my work.

Update 4/1/12

I have been going to the doctors since January to try to get my blood pressure under control.  On January 1st it was 213/114.  I thought it was high due to the fact that I was just fussing with my son and had a lot of other things on my mind.  So I went back to Walgreen’s on the 3rd and checked it again.  This time it was 211/113 needless to say I went straight to the hospital and had to get it checked out right away.  I had no symptoms at all.  The doctors there were able to get it down enough for me to go home but of course they stressed that this is the silent killer especially among African-Americans.

I made the appointment the next day and to get things on the right path again.  Over the course of 2 visits we finally got the Systolic (top number) down but still need to get the Diastolic (bottom number) down.  So my doctor ordered some blood test and put me on a some new medicine.  (I truly hate giving blood, I have a tendency to faint especially when they “fish” for a vein.)

When I went back for my last appointment on friday to see if the new medicine was working I was informed that it stabilized the systolic number(130), the diastolic number was still high (90) he decided to double my dose and wants me back in a week for another checkup and hope that this is now working.

Once he finished with the high blood pressure stuff and began to go over the blood test results. This is the part that I was dreading and this time I wasn’t wrong.  He started asking when was the last time I was at the Oncologist  etc etc …?  It has been about 18 months since I have been at the oncologist.

I have been cancer free for 9 years and I got comfortable and just didn’t go back.  He states that some of my numbers are high and that I need to go back to get checked.  All of a sudden I feel the weight of all that cancer stuff coming back on me.  I was (so I thought) cancer free.   The thoughts of dying young where getting less and less often, the thoughts of cancer period were getting less and less.  But now the thoughts are flooding back in.

What if it is nothing and I got myself all hyped for nothing?  But again what if it is back with a vengeance?  They always say that the third time is a charm.  They say that all the chemo and radiation side affects don’t show up for at least 10 years later and it is just over 12 years since my last chemo treatment (12/2000).

Positive thoughts.  I am trying to be positive but how are you when the doctor begins to explain some of his low points when he was sick.  I felt like he was saying “I survived and so will you”.

My appointment is scheduled for 4/23/12 ………………..

 

Update 5/17/12………………

Well I went to the oncologist a couple of weeks ago and I scheduled to have my bone scan and mammogram.  I finally relaxed my mind and accepted that all was good.  So when the radiologists office called Tuesday and said that they needed to do another mammogram and ultrasound I was not ready.  When ever they call you to “schedule” another appointment it is usually something.

So I go to the appointment on Wednesday and they say that they do see a lump and they believe it is a cyst and they want me to come back in 6 months for a recheck.  Well with my history I need more proof than its a cyst and we’ll recheck it in 6 months.   I went to my oncologist today and told him I want to be safe then sorry.  So now I go see a surgeon next week to schedule a biopsy.

So the saga continues….

Update 10/10/14

This is long over due.  I did not realize that it has been over 2 years since I last update “My Soul”.

In brief I had the biopsy and it turned out to just be a cyst.  I am so thankful.  I do not know where I would be if it had turned out to be breast cancer again.

But this now leads me to another issue.  When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003 the treatment was for me to take tamoxifen for 5 years as it was unsafe for me to do chemo again as it can harm my heart.  So I took the medication daily (almost) for the next 5 years.  I was finally finished in May 2008. All was well…..

I lost my glasses in 2013 and had to get a new pair so I made an appointment with a new eye doctor and explained my history to him and the different treatment programs that I was on.  He asked me if I had any trouble with my eye sight and I said yes.  He went on to do more testing and explained that one of the side effects from the drug tamoxifen is Drueson.  This is when the eye does not flush out all of the “waste” properly and it can clog the eye and it can possibly cause blindness.

Needless to say I was diagnosed with having Drusen.  So I go from one major issue to another.

Has anyone ever met a blind photographer? I am not claiming this but it is a potential reality.

Right now it has not progressed much and it can stay where it is for the next 20 or more years with no major impact to my vision or it can progressively get worse.  The fact that this a wait and see (no pun intended) disease is the part that is hard.  I would like to know for a fact what will happen not a bunch of maybe’s.

 

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