“Cooler than the other side of the pillow.”

First I like to start by saying that I apologize for being so wordy.

While checking out my Facebook page this afternoon I kept seeing a bunch of RIP post about Stuart Scott passing today.  I was not sure who he was till I saw a picture and a brief bio about him being a sportscaster for ESPN. He died as a result of complications from cancer today.

For those of you that have read my “about” page know that I am a breast cancer survivor going on  twelve years.  His story touched/hit me little different then it does most people.  I am trying to process those feelings as I write this post.

There is a video clip that featured a speech that he did July 2014 at the ESPY Awards as he was the 2014 recipient of the Jimmy V (Valvano) Perseverance Award.  I watched it.  Why did I watch it?! I could have cried.

The things that he said made me further realize that I am not doing what I should be have been doing.  One of his quotes was “You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and the manner in which you live. So live! Fight like hell!“.  This hit me like a ton of bricks because I feel as though I have given in and let cancer win.

I allowed cancer to beat me…Cancer won!

I feel that I stopped living a long time ago.  I have just been existing and existing is not living.  I know all the positive things to do and say to others who I see in a similar situation but it is so much easier to have a “do as I say, not as I do” philosophy.  I need to practice what I preach.

I need to live again. I need to find out who I am again.  I need to do!

The title of this blog “Reflections for My Soul” is also the title to a book that I have been working on for a couple of years now.  It is a brief autobiography on the mental stresses that I went thru (and still struggle with) while my body was being treated for breast cancer and what I did to relieve some of the stress and mental demons that I had (have).

This should have been completed a very long time ago.  Excuses like the words aren’t right, the pictures could be better, no one will read it, no one will publish it, etc, etc, etc,… keep getting in my way preventing me from getting it done.

This is my number 1 goal for this year.  Finish my book.  Once it is finished I think I will be on my way to being OK again.

Thank you for letting me share my personal feelings and for the support that have received.


PS:  The title is one of the things that Stuart Scott would say on his show.




About Robin

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Posted on January 4, 2015, in Photography and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Beautiful! Fight like hell. My suster and mother-in-law kicked cancer’s ass. Anotger sister is in the trenches. Please say a prayrr for her and God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Twelve years–that’s wonderful news. Don’t let cancer steal one more day, you can do this!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations on your kicking your cancer diagnosis and for setting your book completion goal for 2015. Now you can kick that book right to the finish line. I will be following your progress and trying to kick my life up a notch. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks Judy. Now that I have put it o out there I have no choice but to complete. I will post periodic updates.


  5. I didn’t know you were a cancer survivor. Small world. Last year at this time, I was going through chemo for Lymphoma. The treatments seemed to work, with the exception of some problems with numbness in my legs and feet—a small price to pay when you look at the BIG picture. It is always sad to hear of another cancer victim falling prey to the disease, especially so young. The St.Jude’s kids are the ones that really bring a tear to my eye, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes I had cancer 2x’s before I turned 40. I found the first lump myself. The chemo and radiation were ok but the side effects were the worst especially the radiation for me.

      I hope that you are well now and no more side effects lingering on.

      Whenever I hear of someone dying especially from cancer it makes all those thoughts come back but I try to fight them and make my life count. Although it is tough at times and I stumble I do get back up.

      I too hate those commercials.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. We can only take one day at a time. Don’t beat yourself up about what you haven’t done. That’s past. Go for your goals and work on finishing your book. Be inspired by Stuart Scott, but be nice to yourself. Not one of is perfect. We are always a work in progress.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Here’s to 2015! The finished book, and to being better than OK!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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